Your team may win, but it always seems like
your wallet ends up losing. Even when you buy cheap tickets in the
bleachers, you still get stuck paying $8 for a 12-ounce cup of warm
beer. Alas, there's only one solution -- BYOB.
But with bag checks and pat-down security measures, bringing booze into
the stadium is about as easy as designing an effective play for the
Oakland Raiders' offense. Fortunately, there are devices that have been
made for this specific purpose -- including the booze binoculars, the
wine rack and the
beer
belly -- but we decided to throw out a few other ways that, with a
little ingenuity, will allow you get properly wasted at your next
sporting event.
1. Frozen oranges. Cut the top third off of an orange
and scoop out the insides (holding onto the two pieces of rind you've
hollowed). Throw the fruit you've removed into a blender and add some
vodka. Pour your concoction back into the orange, place the top back on,
and place it in the freezer. Wrap it up in a paper towel, put it in a
plastic bag and you have a sneaky screwdriver.
2. Fake Medicinal Packaging. Official-looking medicine
containers and a good fake ailment are almost never questioned. Yeah,
it's tacky, but remember -- so is being sober. Thick plastic bags like
the type used for IVs or labeled glass containers like the ones used for
insulin, can be filled with vodka, gin or other clear liquors. Another
option is the fake cast, or wrapping small containers in tape and gauze
around your arm or leg. If the guards go to pat you down, point out the
fake wound before they get there and tell them it's sensitive.
3. Cigarette packs. You may not smoke, but keep in mind
that your standard cigarette pack is big enough to hold an airplane-size
bottle of booze. Go for the Benson and Hedges 100s if you want that
extra bit of room and don't mind looking like a trailer-park
grandmother.
4. CamelBak. If you like to go
backpacking, there's a good chance
you have one of these already. If not, make sure to get one of the
smaller, sleeker models that you can wear under your clothes. Note: best
for late fall and winter sporting events.
5. Well-concealed flask. If you've got a hip flask just
sitting in your backpack, security guards will be likely to find it
pretty quickly. But you'd have to attract a lot of attention for someone
to give you a thorough patdown below the belt. Just remember that if
you're taping it to your groin area, you're going to lose some hair upon
removal.
6. Frontloading. What's the
easiest way to sneak a six-pack of beer into a game? In your stomach and
bloodstream, of course. Down a bunch quickly before you get to the gate,
and let it wear off as the game progresses. It's not really sneaking
alcohol into the game per se, but it'll definitely allow the first
couple quarters or innings to be nearly as fun as the game's dramatic
ending.