Being The ManYou're the man" you
tell yourself in the early stages of a relationship. And you
are. The first stages of dating are full of masculinity: you've
got the girl, you take her out, impress her, ward off rival
males... you are James Bond.
After
a while, however, you'll find the relationship dominated by the
more feminine emotions: what you feel, why you feel it, caring,
sharing and quiet nights in... the alpha male days seem to give
way to becoming her girlfriend in men's clothing.
But your masculinity is important. It's why she's with you in
the first place. She might think she likes a boyfriend who she
can treat like a gal pal, but without that male-female dynamic
you're in trouble.
Control your emotions
The new sensitive man is a modern construct. Throughout history,
men didn't weep over flowers and sunsets; we used to be strong,
rational and full of restraint. It's worked for millions of
years, and it still works now.
The key is to remember all that stuff your dad told you about
being the man: Men don't burst into tears; they don't throw
emotional tantrums when things aren't going their way; they take
life on the chin; they keep a clear, level head during the good
and bad parts of the relationship; they don't turn problems into
insults thrown at each other; they don't go all dewy-eyed
whenever she kisses you.
Not that you should become an emotionless statue. Of course, you
have to have feelings and romance in your relationship. The
point is balance -- it's about keeping your emotions under
control rather than letting them rule you.
Be decisive
If you've found that fewer decisions are being made by you, it's
time to take the reins again. You have to take the role of being
the man. Being decisive puts you in the driver’s seat, and shows
her you aren't afraid to step up and look after her.
Being
decisive is shown in both big and small ways. If she asks you
which outfit to wear, don't just shrug. The correct response is,
"That one? You look great in it." It can also be as big as
booking a surprise trip for the two of you. Even if she makes
the choice, some decisiveness can be retained by actively and
enthusiastically taking part rather than just doing what you're
told.
Taking control is a way of showing her you aren't a wuss. The
appeal of the fact that she can order you around is short-lived,
but a strong assertive guy will remain attractive in the
long-term. This isn't an excuse to become bossy, which should be
avoided at all costs. It can even be romantic as you take
control and tell her she's having dinner with you tonight.
More on how to take the role of being the man...
Be independent
Independence is a must. Remember how you hate clingy
girlfriends? Or how someone whose own existence is
so intertwined with yours that it gets on your
nerves? That cuts both ways. Being the man means
keeping your independence.
While
sharing some activities brings you closer together,
sharing everything is suffocating. She won't want a
guy who constantly follows her around, and you don't
want to be that guy. Keep your own independent
existence by having activities that are separate
from her.
The old cliché that absence makes the heart grow
fonder is true. Balance your activities between
shared ones and your own interests. Not having
someone entirely causes attraction, which usually
disappears when we do have them entirely. If you
maintain private parts of your life, you'll both
appreciate the times together as well as build
attraction rather than boredom.
Pursue male activities
Being the man involves hanging out with other guys
in manly scenarios. Make sure you have plenty of
time with the boys so you aren't overwhelmed with
feminine thoughts and hormones. Keep up the team
sports, the stag nights, watching the rugby, playing
poker... all those activities where guys bond with
each other.
Another key is keeping some degree of masculinity to
your surroundings. One day you wake up and your home
has been taken over by cushions, cuddly toys and
other frilly pink possessions. Short of banning
these entirely, make sure there's enough of your
stuff to counterbalance this, so hang on to the
PlayStation, that nice sound system and all that
sports memorabilia.
you're the man!
What we’re trying to say is: Keep some balance. A
relationship can find itself drowning in female
concerns and emotions at the expense of your
masculine side. While these are a necessary element,
being the man means making sure there's room for
your things too.
You. Are. The. Man.
Remember that.
